Her English is not good, so I try and keep things simple.
Her: What is your job?
Me: I work for the government.
Her: What do you do in the government?
Me: (um, I want her to shut up...so I will make my job sound scarier than it is.) I do investigations.
Her: Oh! I have an investigation right now!
Me: (shit.)
Her: I have been waiting to find out about it for a year. You need to help me. Why is it taking so long?
Me: (what the hell is she talking about?) I don't think it's the same kind of investigations that I do. I'm sure I cannot help you.
Her: Why aren't I a citizen yet? I have been waiting. I talked to my Congresswoman and she sent 3 letters but I am still waiting. You need to help me.
Me: Yeah, I definitely don't know anything about that. Keep talking to your Congresswoman.
Her: You need to talk to the Congresswoman. Here is the name of the woman who signed my citizenship papers. Ask her why I am waiting.
Me: Again, I don't know her. I cannot help you.
Her: Look her up on the internet and call her. She kept asking about my husband's family, but I divorced him 2 years ago. I don't remember his family's names. It was so long ago! I don't want to remember them.
Me: (can't or don't want to? big difference.) You need to remember because that's important for the investigation.
Her: I can't remember because I have a baby now and I had a c-section.
Me: (oh. my. God. this is not happening to me.) The c-section made you lose your memory?
Her: Yes. I cannot even remember my birthday!
Me: Ok, I really cannot help you. Investigations take a long time. And I need to get going, so please go back to working on my nails.
Her: But I have been waiting. I am so tired at the end of the day because I have a job and a baby and the waiting.
Me: (someone please set this place on fire right this minute.)
This continued until I paid with my credit card, which she used to write down my name and asked when I was coming back to tell her when she would be a citizen.
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